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Almost 300 years ago, Johann Sebastian Bach conducted his astounding work, St. Matthew Passion, for the first time in Leipzig, Germany. After almost a century of dust and neglect, the work was picked up and revived by Felix Mendelssohn for a performance that is considered integral to the resurgence of Bach in the common man’s understanding and appreciation of Baroque music. I only recently became acquainted with this behemoth of a musical composition, and it has changed my life. Subtly and yet substantially. Perceiving our family’s Easter preparations to be quite lacking, I looked around for a guide through Lent using Bach’s masterpiece to complement an Advent guide we’d been using for years walking through Handel’s Messiah called Hallelujah: Cultivating Advent Traditions with Handel’s Messiah. When I couldn’t find it, I wrote it. When I finished writing it, Brian sent the idea (asking if they would be willing to publish) to the same publisher who put out the Messiah book knowing I needed a kick in the pants to put myself out there like that. We heard nothing and I assumed that was that.

Nevertheless, this whole project was life-giving for me. My original research and deep dive landed just after Bethaney died. There is little overtly uplifting about the piece; it is firmly and inextricably focused on our part in Christ’s death and the brokenness of earth. But the hope… the hope. It is thread all throughout shining through the pain of each betrayal Jesus endured, each shed tear, all the way up to death’s door itself. Processing her passing through Bach’s music and the stark reality of what Christ did for us soothed and healed my heart.

“Publishing a book” has been a spectre hovering around me for most of my life. I’ve always wanted to do it, others have told me to do it, and it felt like one was in me. But how? And about what? And why? These were questions I couldn’t answer and so couldn’t really proceed. Since I chose an avenue of life that didn’t lead to “professional writing” as such, I tried to let the pull of it fade away… but it never really did and it was never really healthy. Then I went to the conference in Oxford last summer and let go of it finally and completely. The whole conference was so freeing for me in so many ways, but especially in this. That spectre of “write a book and do something with your life and talents” dissipated and I felt I could breathe after so many years discontented with myself. Six months later, in January of this year, we got an email from the publishing company asking if I was still willing to send them a sample of the work. I did, they accepted it, and it has been a whirlwind of activity since. The manuscript needed to be turned into them early in the year, so I agreed to have it finished by the beginning of May when we were moving. I wanted it to be complete before we boarded the plane. The document I created was pretty shallow. To turn it into a book required far more research and many more words. That meant Brian had to sacrifice quite a few Saturdays and evenings for me to work and work and work. The girls cheered me on, we added to it as we walked through Lent this past year, and the Lord put resources applicable to it in my path through homeschool and personal devotions. The whole experience of writing it was such a rush! To see God’s hand almost visibly guiding me to new information and activities I could include to enrich both our preparedness for Easter and hopefully now more families, encouraged me to continue when I felt inadequate. It all felt so outside of me that the insecurities really had no footing.

I had a break from the book for a few months that timed out just perfectly. We were up to our eyeballs getting settled here, but as we now find ourselves turning our attention to Brian’s work trips and our daily rhythms, I’m back in. I’ve received the edits and it looks, well, like a book! It’s daunting to face the editing process, but also thrilling. For so long this spectre of “book writing” has clung to me and stunk a bit. God walked me to Oxford, helped me let go, and then gave me the how, what, and why.

I’m asking for you guys to start praying over this book. It should be coming out later this year, alongside a second edition of the Advent Messiah book. Pray that I would find time and focus to do my best with the edits. Pray for clear communication between the publishers and me. Pray that the final product would glorify God and draw families (especially the kiddos) into a deeper communion to him through a better understanding of Easter. And praise God with us that this all worked out. As Bach signed off, so shall I. Soli Deo Gloria… to the glory of God alone.